Archives For Marriage

One of the dragons, or enemies of a healthy marriage is busyness. Life can sometimes just sweep us away. There are times when it is obvious we are booked and scheduled up to our necks for the next X weeks. However, sometimes the busyness is subtle. Here’s another way of putting it:

Slaying the Dragon

Sometimes busyness marches down the street like an army on parade. And sometimes it crawls on its belly like a guerrilla.

I am not talking about something that is to be winked at, acknowledged and accepted. Busyness is a poison that can suck the very life out of many marriages. I know. I have counseled numerous ones with so much distance. Day by day, life and its busyness has eroded the fabric of their relationship. This enemy is more dangerous as a guerrilla because, like termites, it does a number on the foundation without you ever realizing it.

How to combat it?

1. Recognize the busyness in your life. Get it out of guerrilla mode. We all live in a busy world with busy schedules and little time for anything but what’s on the calendar. You do not have a bad marriage because you have a busy one. It’s how you handle the stuff in your life that determines the health of your marriage, your family and you.

2. Respond with an action plan. Here comes the C-word: yes, communication is essential here. Both of you simply sit down, calendar on the table, and choose when you will have your date, have that over-nighter, etc. Time together doesn’t just happen. Time for everything else seems to be that way, but not in marriage. This needs to be a joint effort. Both have to have buy-in because if you proactively set any time for your marriage, each of you will probably need to give up something. Decide together how you will address the busyness issue in your lives.

3. Revel in your progress in controlling the busyness in your life. Celebrate when you are winning the busyness battle! I have a fellow staff member that talks a lot about the weekly lunch date he and his wife have. How cool is that! When he talks about his dates he is celebrating their progress of managing their busy lives while working on their marriage.

Busyness is powerful but not insurmountable. Perhaps it cannot be eliminated (I don’t recommend becoming a hermit) but it can be managed with some advance planning as a team.

So get to it. Your marriage team is a gift! Protect that gift by working to manage your activities rather than your activities managing you and your marriage.

“So they are no longer two, but one.” Matthew 19:6a

Post from Rodney Wilson, LifePoint Marriages Pastor. Rodney has a passion for encouraging, counseling, and teaching men and women how to have great marriages that make Jesus famous. Rodney, and his wife Selma, have authored Extraordinary Marriage and The Parent Adventure. Rodney and Selma have two adult daughters, two son-in-laws, and in Rodney’s opinion the greatest grandson in the universe. You can connect with Rodney on Twitter and Facebook.

 

LifePoint Marriages focuses on several, what we call, “Essentials of a Healthy Marriage”. Each marriage event is centered around one of these essentials.

  • Treasure Trust
  • Pursue Passion
  • Celebrate Sex
  • Balance Finances
  • Cultivate Communication

This year at Romance and Roses, our annual marriage event in February for Middle Tennessee campuses, we are looking at Cultivate Communication. Communication is the lifeblood of a marriage. It is universal in a marital relationship because it affects every part of your life together. Communication impacts your sex life, how you handle conflict, how or whether or not you dream together, your finances, and so on. If you are in the Middle Tennessee area, keep reading. There is something for you to do, too.

Romance and Roses 2013

Much has been written on this subject to the point where it would be easy to over-complicate it and see it as not reachable. This is not the case at all. Here are some simple thoughts on keeping communication simple, therefore attainable.

Be aware
… of the need to communicate. You must let your mate know what’s going on in your mind. Husbands, being a man is no excuse. Sometimes we just have to push on through to inform our wives of where we are on certain things. The opposite of not communicating is silence.

And silence can be so easily misunderstood.

Be clear
… in giving and receiving of information. Many, many couples I counsel here at LifePoint come in with problems that are based on misunderstanding, a lack of clarity. A little effort upfront can alleviate a ton of needless conflict, needless confusion and sometimes needless pain down the road.

A wise man once said, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Not bad advice.

Be open
… and honest with each other. This one takes some time to build trust to get to the honesty point, especially when the honesty disagrees with your mate. However, being open even when conflict results can build trust in the long run.

Just be sure in your being open that you are not brutally honest. There are a thousand ways to tell your spouse that you disagree. Pick out one that doesn’t destroy their self-esteem in the process.

My wife Selma and I will be covering more on Cultivating Communication at Romance and Roses this year. If you are in the Middle Tennessee area, we hope you will join us February 15 at the Embassy Suites in Murfreesboro, but you have to have a ticket. They are $40.00 per couple for dinner, music, entertainment by Stephen Bargatze, an amazing comedian/magician, and some beneficial thoughts on communicating with your spouse. Buy your ticket in the concourse at either Smyrna area campus on Sunday morning, February 10.

If you are not in Middle Tennessee, you can still benefit from a night of building a healthier marriage during the month of February. I encourage you to plan now for a great evening with your spouse. Make time to go out for a great meal. During that meal, share one or two memories where you felt that your marriage was really alive or healthy. One more thing, both you and your spouse read this article before dinner and then take time to learn how you can Cultivate better Communication as a couple. Share which one of the three “Be”s from above you believe will lead to a better communication and one way you want take action to cultivate that in the next month. Here’s to your healthier marriage!

Post from Rodney Wilson, LifePoint Marriages Pastor. Rodney has a passion for encouraging, counseling, and teaching men and women how to have great marriages that make Jesus famous. Rodney, and his wife Selma, have authored Extraordinary Marriage and The Parent Adventure. Rodney and Selma have two adult daughters, two son-in-laws, and in Rodney’s opinion the greatest grandson in the universe. You can connect with Rodney on Twitter and Facebook.